Daily Bull 6.4.14

Alexander Hassenstein



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Little help, please? An already thin defense just got thinner with the dismissal of two probable starters. They'll be in court today but in the meantime, Coaches Sumlin and Snyder will be trying to stretch their defensive talent even further. Do we know if there are any more Labharts out there who can tackle? Should Tra Carson play two-way football? Can Ty Warren change his name and walk on? We need creative solutions here.

Of course, the implications of the dismissal will be immediate and fatal. Just ask the folks over at Burnt Orange Nation, who have foreseen the death of a rising program with the arrest of two players. Well, it was fun while it lasted, folks. Time to wait it out in the cellar for another fifty years. That's our rightful place, after all.

We'll always have 2012-13, though. Years from now we can look back and say "remember that time we won twenty games in two years before a couple of sophomores and a drug deal gone bad destroyed our coach's reputation so far beyond repair that he not only lost control of recruiting because suddenly parents did not trust their children with him, but control of the entire program altogether and suddenly players were leaving or joining the Armenian Mafia or the Welsh Underground or trafficking illicit luxury cars in various former Soviet republics for vast amounts of ill-gotten money, wearing flashy track suits to class (if they even bothered to go to class) and even being treated to music at football workouts if you can imagine such a thing and within a year or two the team would begin a string of 0-12 seasons that would stretch into infinity beginning with a taint-punching 78-0 crippling at home courtesy of a Dennis Franchione-coached Texas State team that converted a 2-point conversion on their 11th touchdown late in the fourth quarter just to surpass 77 points?

Those were the days."

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