Aggie Football Legal Counsel--A Helpful Directory

Kevork Djansezian

We've compiled the following list of legal firms that could aid the football program in the coming months.

With the recent spate of arrests coming on the heels of yet more legal woes, we've decided to put together this list of law firms and professionals that we feel could help the football team if similar troubles continue to occur in the future, along with their areas of expertise.

  1. Chadwick Lagerton--fraternity law.
  2. Robert LeBlaugh--blog law.
  3. J.T. "Truckyard" Jergenson--truck stealin'.
  4. The Law Firm of Dezzie Petticopolous--noise violations.
  5. Kyle Olsen Richardson--former collegiate and professional athlete; specializes in university relations.
  6. Valerie Palmieri-Jones-Burbank-Palmieri--divorce law.
  7. The Law Offices of Zachary, Morris, and Belding--entertainment law.
  8. Dalton Small, Esq.--specializes in minor charges such as bar and nightclub altercations.
  9. Raul Guzman--narcotics distribution. ("Better call Raul.")
  10. Darven Roelle, LLC--specializes in trademark law.
  11. Claude "The Creole Pickaxe" Pellissieaux--maritime law, specifically waterway rights, watercraft ownership, and personal injury via reptile.
  12. Randy "Rad" Radler--small town jack-of-all trades, local television commercials.
  13. Rupert Beckinsworth, IV--general counsel, expensive.
  14. Ely Allred--general counsel, affordable.
  15. Smith, Jones, Johnson, Brown, and Williams--over 13 years' legal experience between them.
  16. [MONOSYLLABIC FIRST NAME] + [DISYLLABIC SURNAME] + [STATE] + [CONSTRUCTION TOOL]--works for YOU!
  17. Patterson M. "Pete" LaGrange '66--highway marker/sign theft, Central & East Texas.
  18. Cal Benavides, Jr.--white collar crime.
  19. Mr. Thomas Kazanski--aviation law.
  20. Steven Adler--sounds like a lawyer name but is not actually a lawyer. Former drummer of Guns n' Roses. Do not retain under any circumstances as it probably involves cocaine and/or filming for a reality show.

    Please list any other helpful organizations or individuals in the comments.

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