Saturday, August 31st - Rice at Kyle Field
Oh, Rice, you poor souls. You get Johnny after nearly 8 months of pent up frustration with constant media attention, trash talkers on Twitter, personal life scrutiny, and Darren Rovell's general bullshittery.
If (when) Johnny is exonerated...holy crap I feel bad for rice.— stringsays (@stringsays) August 5, 2013
If Manziel plays on August 31st....Jesus...those poor kids from Rice.— Derek (@DerekAggie06) August 7, 2013
All bullshit and no football makes Johnny an angry quarterback.
Oh and in case we all haven’t forgotten, there’s a whole team full of players who are ready to prove that one star player does not an entire team make. With all that frustration there will be a bloodied trail of beaten engineers on Kyle Field.
Even with the glory of Aggie football returning, there’s no doubt opposing teams and various sufferers of Battered Aggie Syndrome will likely cry foul that Johnny was left in too long/wasn’t left in long enough/we showed too much of the playbook/the FTAB’s formations weren’t complicated enough/etc.
But hey, we get to see the Marching Owl Band.
Saturday, September 7th - Sam Houston State at Kyle Field
I’m worried about this one. Sam Houston has played for the National Championship the past two years. Sure they lost both times, but they’ve put up an impressive 25-5 record over the same time period. I think the Ags will lose in a close one at home.
HORSESHIT. HERE’S MARK SNYDER’S DEFENSE DOING CONTINUOUSLY DIRTY THINGS TO WHATEVER THE HELL A BEARKAT IS.
Like Rice, this one will be more time to prepare for Alabama, more time for Internet complaining, more time for pain.
Saturday, September 14th - Alabama at Kyle Field
This is it. This is the game we've all have been waiting for. I hear Saban even asked someone of average height to hang towels on the Alabama workout equipment as motivation. There are a lot of questions we have going into this game: will Mark Snyder’s young defense be prepared for Alabama’s offense? Will the offensive line have had enough time to click? How many body shots will Johnny do off Saban’s daughter the night before? Who will reign supreme over the SEC West?
IT WILL BE A BATTLE FOR THE AGES. THE RAW POWER OF BODIES COLLIDING IN THE SEPTEMBER SUN.
AN ONSLAUGHT OF OFFENSE ON DISPLAY FOR MILLIONS OF VIEWERS. THERE WILL BE A FIRE FIGHT.
PAUL FINEBAUM WILL OBJECTIVELY STATE THE FACTS OF THE GAME ON TWITTER.
And at a critical point in the game, Johnny will throw a deep pass into double coverage. A nation of fans will watch with bated breath as Mike Evans leaps to attempt a near impossible catch.
And nails it.
From this point forward, Saban will begin to lose control as the crack in his team's foundation begins to show.
IT WON'T TAKE MUCH FOR THE AGGIES TO HOLD HIM OFF FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.
AND IN THE FINAL MOMENTS OF THE GAME, KEVIN SUMLIN WILL EXECUTE A FINISHING BLOW TO THE CRIMSON TIDE.
Doubters will be on the verge of tears by the end of the game, since they were positive we wouldn't have a decent season. But so far we will, and relief washes over them in an awesome wave.
JUST KIDDING YOU DOUBTING BITCHES, THAT'S ACTUALLY JOHNNY'S POST GAME CRISTAL WASHING OVER YOU.
Saturday, September 21st - SMU at Kyle Field
After an emotional victory the previous week against Alabama, Sumlin and company will have to prepare for a new SMU offense under quarterback... wait what? He does? Are you serious?
Oh Garrett, I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry...
To be continued...