First thing's first: If you're not reading Your Daily Bull here, you're kind of dead to me. The good @drnorriscamacho is flat knocking this out of the park.
I'm getting out of the hypothetical realm this week, so just work with me here. I've heard about this Harlem Shake thing for the last few days and finally decided to watch a few clips to see what the big deal is. Upon review: pretty funny. It will also be "over" in 36 hours. Well, it may already be "over" in certain circles, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun watching a few of these videos and giggling.
Still not sure what I'm talking about? The Daily Dot had a good article explaining the origins of the dance and it's latest reintroduction to the world through the Baauer song "Harlem Shake. Pay close attention to Matt and Kim's version in that article, it's pretty epic.
Get the gist? Here's Snoopy and the Peanuts gang:
And here's 8 minutes of the meme that are sure to drive you insane:
The beauty of a good Meme is it's simplicity and ease of replication. The true creativity in a Meme lies in the variations individual users put into their versions. There, I have just issued the "No Shit, Wes" statement of the day. I can't help it, I love watching people morph something that is inherently unoriginal and then owning their own interpretation of the concept. There's beauty in this kind of insanity. If Manziel and the team did one of these it would shatter the internet.
She Got Me Meth for Valentine's Day?
I was alerted to this article by @jordanziemer under the catchy title of "Methy Bears." Here's the gist if you don't want to read the whole thing:
That's what authorities say happened to Lawrence Ligocki of Chelsea, Mass., who allegedly received a package containing not only several heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, but also a teddy bear stuffed with three bags of crystal meth valued at around $10,000, according to MyFoxBoston.com.
I think Mr. Ligocki (WHO IS SIXTY-TWO) needed to rethink his story. Nobody accidentally sends you a meth-stuffed teddy bear. It becomes even less likely when police discover more meth in your house. WHERE DID ALL THIS METH COME FROM??? I had no idea that old Skittles, when kept in a jar at room temperature for 10 years, could turn into pure Crystal Meth. "WHY DID I NOT KNOW THAT?!?!" said everyone who was blown up in a backwoods RV.
The real gem of this article is the slideshow at the bottom. Cocaine diapers? Methy bears? I smell an entire line of crack baby accessories.
Face Tattoos: The New Promise Ring
Remember that girl who got 56 stars tattooed on her face? Well, @chemical_toil3t sent up an article about the same tattoo artist. It seems that Rouslan Toumaniantz is the worldwide leader in making headlines for inking on people's faces... because he's done it again!
...Toumaniantz began an online relationship with an 18-year-old named Lesya, and the two ended up falling in love. They arranged to meet in person, and it was apparently re-love at first sight.
Awwwwwww! That is so sweet! The age of 18 is the perfect time to be making impulse decisions that display "i am a hopeless romantic who is easily duped" on your face. For the rest of your life. For. Ev. Er. But you know what? I'm pulling for these two newlyweds. I once offered to pay an ex-girlfriend to get my face tattooed over her face. She didn't go for it, hence the "ex" part. That was a lie, but who knows? It could have happened.
Stop. Collaborate. Listen.
This story was suggested to me by @candacebreiten under the headline "Popsicle Baby." Now, I thought that some girl had frozen a few DNAcicles from an ex and managed to babify herself with years old Phrozen Phelpses (see what I did there?). Turns out I was wrong.
The gist is that in London, a boy was born with a heart rate of 300 beats per minute. The article will also tell you that the normal rate for an infant is 160 bpm. Damn, kid. Stay away from the Methy Bear, alright? Anyway, the way the doctors treated this is downright astounding:
The pioneering treatment involved wrapping the boy in a blanket of cold gel so that his body temperature dropped from 37C (98.6F) to 33.3C (91.94F) and slowed his metabolism. They kept this going for four days, until his heart rate eventually slowed to a normal rate. They gradually raised the temperature, and his heart remained stable.
So I ask you, GBH Commentarium, what superpowers will this baby develop and at what point will we all be kneeling before Zod-baby? Let me know!