A&M has a much needed bye week to help a few guys recover from injuries, but what are you going to do now that you aren’t road tripping it to College Station this weekend? Look no further than the Home of Johnny Football.* Some East Texians may claim that Johnny Manziel was born in Tyler. Although true, the Legend of Johnny Football began in the hills of Kerrville, Texas. This is your guide to visiting Kerrville before it is overrun with tourists flocking to see the place of the legend’s beginning. As a former Tivy Antler and former resident of Kerrville, I implore you to sit back and enjoy this guide to Kvega$. (Kerrville has officially now changed its name to Kvega$ to be more Johnny-approved)
HOW TO GET THERE:
Map of Kerrville (via texagger)
If we have learned anything about Johnny Manziel, then you should never take a direct route on your journey. You should take some zigs and zags and loopty loops; unless you have an Evans, then just throw it up to Evans. Basically, get to Kvega$ any way you can.
PLACES OF INTEREST
Tivy Antler Stadium
See the place where Johnny Manziel ran around defenders as if they were not there. This continues today. Some claim that if you scramble on the field at midnight on a waxing moon, that you harness some portion of Johnny’s power and awesomeness. But the feeling is only temporary. *
Ingram Dam: Dam Sliding
sliding (via texagger)
The legend is Johnny Manziel once slid down the dam 342 times on his feet without slipping once. He didn’t get to 343 because he stopped, and the record has never been attempted to be broken since.*
Johnny has been bringing lots of fame to Kerrville, and even brought Stonehenge to Kerrville, because Johnny Manziel.*
Skip class, or any other responsibility you have, and go enjoy the Guadalupe Rivers and let all your cares float on down the river. Louise Hayes Park is the locale for this photo. This park hosts the Tivy Home Coming Bonfire. One burn, Johnny's Junior Year, the stack began to fall in the middle of Johnny's speech. Infuriated, Johnny rushed over and threw the stack back up and finished his speech. *
WHERE TO EAT:
The Donut Palace
-This is one of the best donut places I have ever been to with the friendliest people behind the counter. The donuts taste better when you skip Horticulture class (only if you bring donuts back to the whole class).
- Johnny Manziel ate Taco Casa pretty much before every practice. The formula is simple. 1) eat Taco Casa. 2) ?????? 3) Profit
Mary’s or Rita’s Tacos.
- Two separate breakfast taco places operated by sisters who once worked together, but split to wage a breakfast taco war never before seen. Johnny once said that the breakfast taco is the essential food. The breakfast taco is now it’s own food group in the KerrvilleISD school system. *
Rio Ranch Café
- Best Country Cooking in town. Small, off the beaten path, everything Johnny would want in a small town diner.
Conchitas On Main
- Fried eggs on top of enchiladas? Yes please. Excellent hole in the wall Mexican food. Johnny spent his lunch hours assisting elderly ladies across the street on their way to Conchitas. There are hundreds of elderly ladies in Kerrville. Johnny was their man. *
Taco to Go
-Easy to spot with the burro and man statue out front. I prefer the tamales, most love the tacos.
- Best steak in town and best place to rip coldies and margaritas. Includes Cheesecake Factory Desserts and has an Ice Cream place attached on the side. Look for the giant eagle in front of a waving American Flag painted on the wall. The inside has a replica of the Alamo with an animatronic Davy Crockett playing the fiddle. Why not.
-Cheap lunch specials, and will cater anywhere.
There isn't much of a night life in Kerrville, as the majority of the population are retired who eat dinner at 4:30 and head to bed soon there after. A few spots have popped up recently that are quite nice.
- upscale beer and wine place that serves food.
- Speak easy type bar with a great atmosphere
- If you're looking for more of the low key, play beer pong at the bar type place, this should fit the bill. Johnny is the Pampell's Beer Pong Champion 7 years running. The streak goes back to Junior High.*
Ole Ingram Social Club
-If you can't fit in here, then you aren't alive.
-Not your typical Hotel Bar. Steve, the usual bark tender, will pour your drinks right. The busiest night is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as the local sons and daughters of Kerrville who have moved away come home and visit. Basically, it looks like a bar on Northgate during a Game weekend.
KERRVILLE FOLK FESTIVAL
This is the place to be if you want to watch really old hippies do hippy things. None of this New Army Hippy stuff. The music is folksy and the people are high, but it's a great time. It was here, after a Drake Concert, that Johnny Manziel met the rapper. Both were in their budding careers, but Drake gave Johnny his number, and told him to call him when he got "here" from the bottom. *
FIT IN WITH THE LOCALS
If you’re a Kerrvirgin and needing to know how to fit in with the Kerrverts, here are a few terms you could learn.
Screen Shot 2013-10-01 at 10.39.09 PM (via texagger)
This is said at all times, sort of like Roll Tide. TFND stands for Tivy* Fight Never Dies. Best used as a greeting or parting statement. Johnny Manziel once got out of a ticket for running a red light in a golf cart by merely saying these four letters.* Ok I maybe exaggerating here, but TFND should be said like Roll Tide. TFND
*Side note Tivy is pronounced (tie vee)'
Also known as White Tail Deer. There are probably millions of deer living inside the city limits and hang out in front yards. Huge bucks too. If you drive long enough in Kerrville, you will hit a deer. It's a right of passage.
OTHER NOTABLE KERRVERTS
Kerrville notables (via texagger)
- Admiral Chester Nimitz - (lived there from 6 till he joined the Navy)
- Carter Blackburn - ESPN Reporter
- Thomas Hayden Church - Actor
- Robert Earl Keen - Songwriter - Daughter goes to Tivy
- Kinky Friedman - No explanation needed
- Alexandra Underwood - Contestant on America’s Next Top Model
- James Avery
That's my Bye week guide to Kerrville, Texas, the home of Johnny Manziel. Leave your favorite places / things to do in Kerrville or the surrounding area in the comments. TFND
* I can neither confirm nor deny any of the truth or non-truths about these stories.