FanPost

Ask Lynne: The Beginning

It was brought to my attention that someone wanted me to write another fanpost. However, I don't perform well under pressure. Plus how can I ever try to follow Twas' the night before Alabama? So I agreed to answer anonymous questions about A&M football, Northgate, College Station or other general debauchery that people submitted. Here were the best.

Ask Lynne: The Beginning

Who are you and why does everyone know you?

I’m a former student of Texas A&M who is obnoxious on twitter which seemed to grab the attention of a number of people. It’s not that everyone knows me but College Station just happens to be a small town.

Why are you famous?

I’m not famous. Unless you think Clay Travis telling me that Johnny’s photoshopped autograph on my cleavage was awesome makes me famous.

Besides being awesome and partying, what did you major in?

Well first off you forgot to include irrelevant A&M football stats and twitter, but I actually doubled in Sociology and Communication.

How many Northgate make outs have you had? Do you keep track? What is the most you've had in one night? Were they all in Foundation?

Is that normal for girls to keep a diary of all the boys they have ever kissed? Sadly no, I’m not 12 and therefore don’t have a written record. However, if you’re offering to create some sort of database for me, then by all means let’s do it. As for how many potential suitors I’ve had in one night, for my father’s sake lets just say on my last night in College Station, I had a going away party where I thought that the entire student body of A&M needed a proper farewell from me. Yes, all of these goodbyes were in Foundation Room.

How do you convince guys not to touch you on the dark side but still get free drinks?

For those of you old army folks who are wondering what the dark side is, it refers to the darker side of Northgate where the nightclubs are located. These include Foundation Room, Hookah Station, Social and Gatsby’s. The key to not get guys to touch you in bars is to not make yourself available for them to touch you. Always stand or sit in a booth away from the crowd to appear unsocial therefore seeming unapproachable. As for free drinks, get to know bartenders, its way more beneficial than pretending to have interest in a creepy guy just to have him buy you a dollar drink.

Who on the team do you predict to explode this season?

Other than Mike Evans who pretty much has already done that, I have a really strong feeling about Cam Clear. I think he’s going to end up becoming an essential to our offense. I also have really loved watching Brandon Williams’ running game develop.

What’s the craziest thing that has happened to you from twitter?

I don’t know if I can legally tell you the craziest thing, but I can tell you the most bizarre. One time one of the football players who I had never met asked me how my kids were which was really weird seeing as I am without child plus I didn’t even know the guy. But I didn’t think much of it at the time. Well I later found out that another player had seen me post pictures of my two nephews on twitter and thought they were my kids and had gone to tell other people on the team I had kids. As bizarre as it sounds, because of twitter, there’s now a rumor with some of the football players that I have two kids.

What is your favorite way to watch football* and how often do you do it*?

Since, these questions can be asked anonymously, many of you have decided it was normal to ask me extremely inappropriate questions. I’ve decided that instead of ignoring these questions, I’ll just change the inappropriate parts and make them football related. So to answer your question my favorite way to watch football is from Kyle Field, duh, and I watch college football every Saturday. I’m not a huge fan of the NFL but being from Houston sometimes I watch the Texans if I have time.

Spread or power?

Spread.

Favorite Aggie football game you have attended?

Nebraska, Kyle Field, 2010. It was the most amazing football atmosphere I’ve ever experienced.

What does the fox say?

The fox says beat the hell out of Ole Miss.

Please critique Fletcher’s hipster wardrobe.

Since Fletcher is my twitter boyfriend whether he has agreed to it or not yet (We’re still in negotiations), I will tread lightly on this subject. While I don’t know if I agree with the fact that California has taken away yet another beloved Texas boy and transformed him into a hipster, the style itself is extremely difficult for most guys to pull off and I applaud Fletcher for successfully rocking it.

My wife gets annoyed when I hump it. How can I explain Aggie tradition to her?

I think they have a children’s book that explains Aggie traditions. Maybe you should get it for her for Christmas.

Red bull and vodka or red bull and yager

Vodka. Duh.

Can you convince Loftin to follow me?

I couldn’t even convince him to follow me. Lofty does what Lofty wants. However, I’ll put in a good word.

How do you score a touchdown on a team that only allowed field goals last year*?

You have to wear the defense down. If you are determined and are patient you’ll eventually find a gap in their line and be able to complete a long drive to score.

Why are y'all so god damn weird? Don't tuck your t-shirts into jeans. Don't wear white tennis shoes with jeans. Christ, guys, y'all are in the SEC now. Dress appropriately. All seven of your women are fine, I guess. (B) How do y'all reconcile the fact that your beloved QB has a Texas Longhorn tattoo on his ribs? Does baby brother just ignore that, or what? (C) Who are y'all going to hire when Sumlin bolts for Austin, Los Angeles, or the NFL next season?

To answer your first question it would take way too long to explain to you the history and traditions of our university for you to understand why we are the way we are. Maybe you could check A&M’s Wikipedia page for a quick summary. Now I’m not sure if any of your next points are even questions. Last time I checked the purpose of this was to answer questions, not a forum for you to hold your own hate week. Don’t you have your own site for that? I reconcile the fact that Johnny got a fake temporary tattoo on Spring Break by coming to the realization that you sir are a dumbass. In other breaking news, a scandal has just erupted over an allegation that Johnny sold autographs for money. Lastly, since I, Lynne Powers, have complete control over the hiring of our coaching staff, I truly have struggled with the decision of who to hire once Sumlin leaves to take over at Texas. However, after your post I now have complete faith that you sir are the best candidate for the position since you seem to have the most knowledge of A&M football and our program. Have your people call my people so we can talk numbers.

What do you think about Bo Wallace saying his receivers are better than A&Ms? Is there any truth to that?

Oh, Bo makes me LOL. What good are great receivers if you don’t have a quarterback to utilize them? Do I think that he has better receivers than us? Absolutely not. I think Mike Evans alone has proved that. However that being said, Ole Miss does have some good very big receivers. I’m interested in seeing how our secondary matches up against them.

Does size matter?

Oh our offensive line? What kind of stupid question is that? Of course it does. The linemen have to be big to block for the quarterback. Google it.

Will Evans Stay Another Year?

Why’d you have to ask me this? In my heart I say Yes. He’ll complete at least his junior year. Johnny is a different story. But with Evans I think it also depends on how the rest of the season plays out. But as of now, I don’t think he’s going anywhere. Then again I don’t know anything.

If you had to sleep with the GBH writers, who would be your top 3?

Wait there are more than 3 GBH writers?

Now lets BTHO Ole Miss

Questions can be anonymously asked at gbhlynne.tumblr.com and answered the following Friday!

FanPosts are user-submitted, and are not always representative of GBH editorial/staff or any of our opinions. Please don't post spam or self-promotion, because that's not very good bull. Thanks!

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