Brian Spurlock-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire
I am so beaten down from trying to spin a yarn out of televised Big 10 and ACC matchups. It’s like being a CSPAN reporter having to cover tax regulation if the taxes were inept, sluggish offenses mired in Babylonian code. As punishment, I was going to BAN both conferences from this week’s Viewer’s Guide because I fancy myself as the Roger Goodell of college football internets. Alas, both leagues’ games are SO bad this week, that their omission just sort of happened organically. We’re lean in quantity this week, but there is plenty of quality pig to satiate your filthy vices. Let me be your football Sherpa.
All times Central - swing states are for swingers
Thursday, October 11
Arizona State at Colorado | 8 PM | ESPN
Colorado is a 23 point dog at home. Tune in to see a picturesque fall evening in my home state riddled with some of the most deplorable people you can encounter. Loaded bros from each coast will show up half way through the second quarter to fire projectiles at each other and get handsy with girls from Denver suburbs. The student section will be empty - really empty - by the end of third quarter. By that time, it's time to crank up the Skrillex and see how quickly Rohypnol dissolves in Skyy vodka (coincidentally our drink of the week?).
If it's not rich out-of-state kids, you'll have guys named Sage ripping bong loads and playing hacky sack around a drum circle of Greenpeace lifers just waiting for a heady riding sesh at Breck.
Isn't college football great? Go Rams.
Friday, October 12
Navy at Central Michigan | 7 PM | ESPN2
When a bad academy is playing on a Friday in Mount Pleasant, MI, you tune in.
Saturday, October 13
Kansas State (6) at Iowa State | 11 AM | FX
FARMAGEDON! WHO WILL PRODUCE MORE HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND PUDGY DAMES IN HOODIES? This tilt gets the league undercard to Texas-OU, but hot damn - not a bad little game here. Ames is a fun college sports town, and while Jack Trice isn't big, it can get nice and rowdy. The Cats continue to show they are one of the best teams in the country and a legit contented to win the conference. Make no mistake - this is a tough roadie and it is followed by a trip to Morgantown.
The Cyclones are fresh off a great road thrashing of TCU and the cast of "Blow". Senior wideout Josh Lenz had a big day with five catches for 147 yards and three TDs. He also had a TD pass, which was just a shrewd troll job by Paul Rhoads on Casey Pachall. Iowa State is off to its best year in a decade (holla Seneca Wallace!) and figure to continue their disruption in a jumbled Big 12. While K-State has won the last four games in this series, no win has been by more than eight points, and I think this one is going to be close.
Texas (15) vs. Oklahoma (13) (at Dallas) | 11 AM | ABC
Here are a couple teams that will be cheering for the boys in Ames. This is the best week of the year to be reading our buddies at Barking Carnival, Burnt Orange Nation, and Crimson and Cream Machine. The stakes are lower than normal, but both teams still have a ton to play for despite each having league losses and obvious flaws. I'm curious to see how Texas responds - the D in particular - after an emotionally draining loss at home to the Mountaineers.
OU had a strong win in Lubbock last week over the upstart Raiders. I thought the Raiders might win that one with the Sooners looking toward Dallas, but Stoops had his boys focused and ready to slam on the accelerator. That same accelerator was used in OU's 55-17 win over the Horns in 2011 that featured quarterback play showing all the confidence and resolve of an agoraphobic Frenchman. Fortunately for the Horns, Ash has taken massive strides and seems ready for the Cotton Bowl stage.
I think the Horns win close.
Stanford (17) at Notre Dame (7) | 2:30 PM | NBC
It's going to be gray and rainy for a game that will have a very old school, Midwest feel. These are not your Ty Willinham Irish and Cardinal. The defenses are active and like to do things like tackle and hit - all absent on Ty's teams.
The winner will likely get more playmaking out of its quarterback (or few mistakes). Brian Kelly continues to be a fastidious, fussy manager of his quarterbacks, but it is working. Neither Golson nor Rees seems to mind the finicky ways of their coach. Meanwhile, Stanford has been treating the Andrew Luck hangover with some up-and-down play from Josh Nunes. Everett Golson was efficient in Notre Dame's route of Miami to the tune of 17 of 22 for 186 yards while adding 51 yards on the ground.
The Notre Dame defense continues to shine up front and has not allowed a touchdown in its last three games. It also hasn't allowed a rushing touchdown all season. The secondary is still shaky and hasn't had to face a polished passer (albeit they were bailed out by a host of Miami drops last week). Stanford's top WR, Ty Montgomery, Is not expected to play. Stanford has won the last three in the series, but that ends on Saturday as the Irish win one for the deceased Beano Cook. The Linebacker Lounge celebrates appropriately.
Alabama (1) at Missouri | 2:30 PM | CBS
Mizzou is still looking for that first SEC win, and this week they get to try to find it with a backup, redshirt freshman quarterback against the top team in the land. Corbin Berkstresser will take his Harvard name and young arm and try to pull off a huge upset of the Tide.
Naturally, Saban was able to deadpan that Mizzou is a "very good football team" (they're not), and many Tide fans get to travel above the Mason-Dixon for the first time in their lives. Tide wins large.
Oregon State (10) at BYU | 2:30 PM | ABC
Tricky roadie for the Beavers who are regrouping after losing starting stud quarterback Sean Mannion for the season. A fella by the name of Cody Vaz goes from boy band front man to leading the charge. BYU plays choppy offense, but they play strong D (3rd in points against) and will be looking to tee up Vaz all afternoon.
West Virginia (5) at Texas Tech | 2:30 PM | ABC/ESPN
The Big 12 didn't do West Virginia any favors in scheduling with back to back trips to Austin and Lubbock. Next week is going to be the real challenge for the Mountaineers against the K-State defense. The Red Raiders might have a shot if this game were being played at night. Vegas has West Virginia at -3.5 and the O/U at 78. Both seem like free money to me. Am I missing something? Oh, and I doubt West Virginia fans are going to travel well to Lubbock after many just went to Austin, but these fan bases together are like flame and gasoline.
USC (11) at Washington | 6 PM | FOX
USC lost to Stanford who lost to Washington who will lose to USC. Got it? Peter Carroll is going to be gallivanting around the sidelines like a damn charismatic cult leader playing grab ass with his two protégés - Kiffin and Sarkisian. As a result, both programs will incur sanctions. Win and cheat forever, Pete.
South Carolina (3) at LSU (9) | 7 PM | ESPN
OOOOOOH yeah. Did you see Spurrier's Death Valley jab at Clemson this week? He is just the best. I know I say that every week. I bet he is a hilarious nightmare to play golf with. Anyway, Death Valley is going to be a mad house, per usual, at night. LSU has to somehow unearth a semblance of a passing attack against a wicked, wicked front from the Gamecocks. Zach Mettenberger has all the pocket presence of an inflatable doll on Quaaludes and Boone's.
The Gamecocks showed up to their marquee fight last week against the Georgia Bulldogs with a couple sets of brass knuckles and absolutely maimed Richt's men. Jadeveon Clowney might be the most valuable player in the Southeastern Conference. What they did to Aaron Murray was criminal, and I foresee more maimings of Tigers this week.
Tennessee at Mississippi State (19) | 8 PM | ESPN2
Tennessee has won seven straight against Mississippi State, and the Bulldogs will be looking to extend their best start in 13 years. The Bulldogs have played excellent defense, but their best win to date might have been a road victory at Troy. The schedule has set up favorably, and Dan Mullen's team has continued to grow, even if it has been in unimpressive fashion.
Tennessee is coming off a bye after a big letdown loss at Georgia. State's D is going to have its hands full with Tyler Bray and his superb wideouts Hunter and Patterson. I'm taking the Vols in an upset here as they rally around Dooley's hip for the win. The Vols have lost 19 of their last 20 against ranked teams. Well, isn't that a swift kick in the nuts.
Texas A&M (22) vs. Louisiana Tech (23) (at Shreveport) | 8 PM | ESPNU
"Air raid or it's your ass" - Darla, from Dazed and Confused
The scoreboard at the Indy Bowl is going to be ablaze all evening in what has suddenly gone from Hurricane-washed out snoozer to a ranked match up with two balls-out offenses. I've been touting the credentials of the LA Tech Dogs since the summer, and it has fallen on many deaf ears. Take a look at their 2011 outcomes and consider how much they are bringing back. This team can play. Obviously, they're starting to get noticed as indicated by their ranking.
A&M escaped Oxford in shocking fashion after a sloppy performance up until the final seven minutes. There is plenty to work on, and hopefully the offense can pull together a crisp, disciplined performance against a below average LA Tech defense. Check out our award winning The Tailgate for more.
Drink of the Week:
Aviation! The Ags and Bulldogs are going to be using their Air Raid Avation offenses! Get it?
- Two ounces Bombay Sapphire (Gordon's for the kiddos)
- ½ ounce Maraschino liqueur (cherry Skittles will suffice if in a big pinch)
- ¼ ounce Crème de Violette
- ½ ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice
- Lemon zest
- Maraschino cherry (mostly for girls)
Shake over ice and strain into a chilled glass (or Solo cup). Time for liftoff, captain!
You're at your Week 7 summit. What did I miss? Enjoy the games, gang.